Shut In

I had a few "cool" topics to write about. Obviously I didn't. I haven't blogged in a while.

I cried for the first time today since the shelter at home started. I broke something inconsequential, but that was enough to open the floodgates. Just sat in the office I share with my daughter and sobbed. No question that I needed it, but I still feel silly crying over a cheap pot.

The four of us at home is getting to be rough. Fortunately the 17 year old does his own thing. We moved his desk and desktop computer upstairs since on line supplemental education starts tomorrow. We didn't want him having to share the downstairs office with his sister. She has started her PCC class. Economics. I have come to terms with her taking only one class. She is dealing with things no 20 year old, heck no one of any age, should have to deal with.

I am now sharing the office with her. I must say, she is keeping her desk much tidier now that I am in there. We even put some of my succulents on the windowsill. Eventually I want to put some sort of picture above my desk. I think I still have some old cross stitch projects that I framed. Maybe I'll use those.

Chris works from home now. His desk is in the family room. It is pretty hard on him. And it is frustrating for him to try to work and have meetings when the kids and I are wandering around.

I feel like a jerk complaining, though. Staying at home is a small price to pay to stop the spread of covid-19. And my husband still has a job, which just isn't happening for so so many people.

But at the same time, I know my feelings are valid. And writing about them will help me deal with them. To accept them is a step to finding ways to adjust and find healthy ways to cope with the stress.

How are you all coping?

Well, gosh

So much is going on. I had some decent ideas for blog topics, but right now my mind is busy. Some people in the US seem to think that Covid-19 isn't really that big of a deal. But it is. Oh my friends, it is. Just because it seems like it hasn't touched our country as much as others doesn't mean it won't. The US is huge. We have states bigger than European countries. So it may take longer to spread, but spread it will. Do what you can to lessen the impact.

So during this period of self isolation we have several choices. Panic, which won't help anyone. Ignore it, which won't help anyone. Acknowledge and follow health professionals recommendations, which will help everyone.

And stop buying obscene amounts of toilet paper if you don't need to. Fucking hoarders taking advantage of people. Fucking hoarders leaving nothing for people who need it.

I am going to try and post more positive stuff from now on. Well, sort of positive. Plants and mental illness for example. And maybe take this time to blog more. Stay safe, stay strong.

Thank Goodness For Plants

This family is having some health issues these days. And we need to fix what we can and deal with what we can't. So far we have -

• Ash may have a condition called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. POTS for short. It is a nerve condition that mimics an auto-immune disease. Basically her body hates her. Change in diet and strict routines will be the norm.
• Chris is pre-diabetic. Total change of diet completely different from Ash's and exercise more than (hopefully) three times a week.
• I had a slight breast cancer worry. Fortunately I got the all clear, so that is one less concern. Woo hoo!
• Michael is fine! So we go with a party on that one.

A friend asked how I cope with it. Well, I've been buying a lot of succulents. Kind of running out of room. But that is partially due to Chris buying a lot of houseplants. Because he needs a good way to deal with stress as well. Better plants than junk food and Amazon shopping. Confession - we still enjoy occasional junk food. Also the Amazon cart is full of plant care stuff.  But at least plants are relaxing and something to nurture that doesn't excel at sarcasm (we only have ourselves to blame for that).

Some good things thought. We got a new stove and it is awesome and not broken like the last one. Also the furnace is 100% fixed. But the best news is that our bonus room is almost finished! Drywall is going up today. To be cliche, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So that is what is going on. I'm trying to focus on new things that will keep me sane and help keep everyone else in the house sane. I hope it works.

Crazy Pants

It has been a while since I posted, but life and stuff. You get it. So far we have dealt with a broken furnace, leaking sink, and cracked stove. Needless to say it is a constant party around here. But behold my triumphant return.

Lately I've been all, oh crap the mental health is taking a downturn. What the heck? The medication was working. I am resolving anxiety issues. So what the frick is going on? Oh my friends. A discovery. A great revelation. Knowledge beyond knowledge.

The menopause has arrived a little early. Well kind of early. 45 is on the low end, but definitely within the age range. And saying nope doesn't stop it. But I think we can agree that it should. Nope nope nope. Damn. Cardigans have become my friends. Easy to take off when having a hot flash, easy to put back on when freezing. Usually within a few minutes of each other.

Fun fact - many of the symptoms of menopause are exactly like the symptoms of my mental illness.  So on top of managing the regular crazy pants, I get additional crazy pants that bipolar medication can't control. And adding in any new medication means changes to my current medications.  There is no way I am doing that. It took years to find the right combination of drugs.

I am obviously doing research on non medication ways to handle it. No "natural" remedies. That would interact with my happy pills as well. So diet, exercise, silent suffering. Who am I kidding? Totally vocal suffering.

Side note, my daughter told me she was moving out the moment I started menopause. But when I told her, she laughed. She lied and is never moving out. On the bright side she told me that, thanks to her estrogen, she is experiencing the symptoms of menstruation. Including cramps. And I laughed.

Anyone else going through this right now? Misery loves company.